So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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