btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
this is an emotional support booty call
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
