could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
