In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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