i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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