What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
