she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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