I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
