I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
