now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
