Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
