3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
