Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
