Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
