If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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