Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
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the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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