Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
