I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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