never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
