So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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