I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
