Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize
