apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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