those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
