I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
