But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
