You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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