yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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