I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
