I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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