But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
