He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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