How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
