I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
