I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i think im in europe. pls send help
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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