hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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