So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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