You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
