she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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