Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
