Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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