Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
