he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
