The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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