you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
