You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
