4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
