Whatcha textin bout Willis?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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