remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
