You made me cry and you don't even care
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
