Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize