Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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