So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Come see our sink grown plant.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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