OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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