I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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