halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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