I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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