So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
