R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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