this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
