I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
only if we run a train.
done.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
