his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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