oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
