If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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