so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
