so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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