This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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