Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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